Saturday, March 31, 2012

What's my style?

After the big wardrobe clean out last weekend, and with 4 days interstate coming up for the Easter break, I found myself in need of a little clothes shopping. So armed with my very own personal stylist (my gorgeous 22 year old daughter) I headed off to the local Westfield for a Pretty Woman type shopping experience. I came home with loads of stuff, but more because things fit rather than fit in with me I think.

Pre-shopping inventory...

In my wardrobe I had;
A pair of dark denim jeans
A white collared shirt
A grey cardi
A very funky bright purple and silver Adidas tracktop
A blue 1/2 zip polar fleece
A pair of black dance-style trackie dacks
And a borrowed leather jacket which I MAY be too old for.

And in the work side I had;
A french navy skirt, pants & jacket
A white shirt with a soft ruffled neck
A red dress
A white sleeveless lacy top

Lastly, in my drawers I had;
3 x singlet tops (white, blue, orange)
A blue Nike TShirt
A bright purple Champion TShirt
A treasured pair of Lorna Jane 3/4 exercise tights
A blue Lorna Jane TShirt
A blue Lorna Jane long sleeved hoodie

So what conclusions can you draw from my "collections"?
Work wear = conservative & classic
Casual wear = conservative & sporty.
Colours of blue, black, white with a little pop of colour = conservative.

Is that really me?  Am I truly conservative, or opting for safe before finding the real me?  Truth be told, I don't know.  And I guess it's all part of the discovery, or more specifically, rediscovery process of who this person that has appeared in the mirror, the new me, is.

Conservatively yours,

Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Biggest Loser

Confession: this is my first season of TBL.  "Gasp!", I hear you say. Weight loss & more specifically, the fact that I needed to lose weight was not something that I'd ever thought about.  So why would I watch a show about fat people crying?

Second confession: I love this show!  Wouldn't miss an episode.

Now that I've done it, lived the life, faced the daily internal punch-up of emotions, hunger cravings that you feel are physically eating away at your stomach lining, a mirror that reflects someone other than who you thought you were, eye-stinging sweat, aching muscles, the fight to get just 2 more reps out.  I get it now.  These people are SO incredibly courageous to not only go through all of the above, but to do so publicly.

So when this opportunity came up for me and a few of the most amazing women I've ever met, flights were booked and off we went. And, although some stories have to stay on the road, I can say that the day FAR exceeded my expectations.

Here's a few snapshots of our trip;
This is me, Nicole & Judy in our team T-Shirts @ Melbourne airport. The lovely Lisa was behind the camera.

Judy, Lisa & Nicole on "the walk" to Sydney Olympic Park.

The trainers - obviously. Commando...droooooooool

No explanation needed (thanks for the pic, Nic)

Not quite sure what Judy had in her water bottle...???

But whatever it was, we all skulled litres of the stuff.

In between all of the perving on Commando, we DID do some exercise.

Our squat technique needs some work!

It really was a GREAT day.  CC12C chicks, YOU ROCK!


Blogger Challenge: week 6

I'm a little behind with this week's blogger challenge, but since we're women of our word, we don't just NOT get something done we say we're going to do.  So here's my belated and somewhat bland responses to this week's questions;

1.  What adjustments have you had to make to your exercise regime over the last 6 weeks?
I think I could safely say that I have found "balance" this week.  Early on (including pre-season) I would go hell for leather and then crash.  I'm now following Mish's outdoor intermediate program pretty faithfully, which means that on some days I burn nowhere near 500.  Seems to be working though.

2.  What have you changed in regards to your food intake?
We (and I say we coz my amazingly, brilliantly supportive man is a large part of our nutrition plan) don't follow Mish's plan all that much.  When the menu is released each week, we discuss the things we'd like to try from it and forget about the rest.  We have though, built up a short-list of about 3 absolute favs which we'll have every week, and mix these in with other recipes either from the program or Mish's recipe books.  Monday night is ALWAYS salmon, love, love it.  Caramalised Pork is also in there, and Sunday is ALWAYS a roast so the man has something tasty for his sangers during the week.

Huge shout out to the man right here - for a fussy eater, you've come a loooong way.  The biggest thank you for giving everything I serve up a go - even if it does make you pull faces at times. xx

3.  What is the difference in your mindset?
I don't know the old me any more.  I exercise because I want to, and I don't give up until I'm done.  In fact, that little demonic voice inside your head that tells you that you can't do something... gone!  When I train, I go hard.  I push myself continuously, making the move harder or bigger, the distance longer, the time shorter.  I just do it.
Where food related mindset is concerned, I've been pretty darn good since the day the penny dropped, so there's not a lot of change around this area.  I'm just not tempted.  I want it too much to screw it all up now.

As we're at the half way point, I'm a lot more relaxed about the program. I intend to use these next 6 weeks to consolidate and make sure that these habits become unbreakable.  It's all just a series of choices and I'm not interested in regretting mine - life's too short for that.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Week 7 weigh in (my week 21)

There was a party, parade, festival type celebration in my bathroom this morning.  Coz of this...

Current Weight: 74.7kg
Last week:      77.6kg
Week's loss:          -2.9kg 
So far:         -22.3kg   

What an incredibly incredible week!  I'm actually a bit lost for words.

Healthy BMI. Goal weight.

Enough said.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

In the closet

Had a bit of fun today cleaning out my wardrobes...

Casual side

Work side
And filling up all of those empty hangers is going to be even more fun :)

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Bon Voyage 20kg

I'm still in disbelief to be honest.  I've been struggling to shift decent numbers for a while, and then Friday morning I woke up and nearly fell off the scales.  76.8kg. I weighed myself 3more times just to make sure.  This morning I was kind of expecting to have gained again coz that's how my body rolls, but no.  Another 200g loss. 76.6kg.

So I'm now allowing myself to officially celebrate the removal of 20kg of disgusting FAT. A stretched size 18 to a comfortable 12.  I am a size 12.  I've been fat and disinterested in life for so long that I just can't believe it. I'm beyond proud of myself.

Who is that fat, lazy, unhealthy looking frump on the left???  She's checked out for good!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Week 6 weigh in (my week 20)

Current Weight: 77.6kg
Last week:      77.3kg
Week's loss:         +0.3kg 
So far:         -19.4kg   

I wasn't going to post my weigh in this week - have you noticed the + against this week's loss? Last week I was super pumped about crossing the magic 20kg gone mark, but my body just didn't want to come to the party!

I've confessed that I weigh daily, and my week went a little like this;
Wednesday     77.3kg
Thursday         77.2kg
Friday             77.2kg
Saturday          78.4kg  Yep - 1.2kg OVERNIGHT!
Sunday            78.2kg
Monday           78.3kg
Tuesday           78.0kg

So in some ways, I did feel relief when Wednesday came around and I was back in the 77's, but man oh man was I sulky biatch over the weekend.  I went down the whole "It isn't fair", "I've worked so hard", "Other people eat crap and still lose big numbers" road, as if that was going to make me drop kilos.

Now that the scales are moving again I've cleared some head-space to look at what's going on in my life and WHY I gained back 3 weeks of losses in a day.

1.  I've added the strength training component of Mich's program into my routine, hence not burning as many calories.
2.  My sleeping patterns have been all over the place - as in not getting enough.
3.  The weekend work cycle of my job has kicked in which has thrown out my routines.
4.  I'm exercising less.  Playing the too busy card.
5.  My lake walk has been closed off due to the Grand Prix.

Basically, I've spent the last 2 weeks feeling out of control, and the week before that pretending I was coping.  The only difference has been my mindset.  When I feel like I can't cope with  work and life I'm the first thing that I give up on.  Shouldn't I be the last?

I made a commitment to work no more than 40 hours a week, and here I am back up into the 60's again.  THIS IS WHAT GOT ME FAT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Can you guess how long it's been since I went to gym???  Yep, a bit over 2 weeks. Excuses, excuses, excuses.

Here's my plan for the next week;
1.  Stick to the actual exercise program - 6 days - NO EXCUSES
2.  Lights out at 10.30pm
3.  Make some new routines that will carry through until September.
4.  Take at least 1 day off each week to balance the weekend work.
5.  Be gentle with myself.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

In sickness and in health...

Although I doubt many brides parrot these vows back to their betrothed these days, its a topic prompted by Whirslie's blogger challenge for week 5;
So what does being healthy mean to you? What is it that has made you start this journey into being a healthier you?  

I've written about my back surgery on November 3 last year, blah blah blah, which was definitely the reason I STARTED this gig, but the first part of the question has had me digging a little deeper.

The old boy, as I affectionately call him, is 11 years my senior.  I know, scandal, right? He went through hell for us to be together.  You don't need the details, but you do need to know that I want to make it worth his while.  So if I stayed as I was; eating poorly, putting on weight, working too much, virtually crippled with back pain, then it would be only natural for him to regret it, yeah?

So this health thing is as much (if not more) for him, us, as it is for me.

What does healthy look like?  It's a glow. And I think that glow comes from within.  From a place where you're satisfied with the choices you make, physically, emotionally & probably spiritually in whatever form that takes for you.  

I would class myself as an apprentice in this healthy lifestyle thing. I'm learning so much about me, my body, how I interact with others and my place in the world. Some days I get it right, others horribly wrong. But I'm finding that the "right" days are outweighing the "wrong" ones with each week that passes.  A trend I hope continues, as I intend to be around, living healthily, with the love of my life for many many years to come.  Vows or no vows...til death do us part (a long time from now please!)

Friday, March 16, 2012

Programmed program

Do I love gadgets, or do I love gadgets??  This little summary is of today's bit of fitness, brought to you by the Nike+ iphone app - I don't leave home without it :)

This week I've been thrown off routine as I can't get to my office due to the Grand Prix this weekend.  Not that I'm complaining at having to work from my kitchen bench all week!  But for the first week in ages I've had to actually think about what I'm going to do exercise wise.

I missed my walk yesterday.  Made all kind of excuses; weather, work, niggly hip, cbf. But after dinner I couldn't settle without having broken into a sweat at some point throughout the day.  So I followed Mich's Week 5 Thursday outdoors program (indoors though) and felt so much better for it.

It made me question whether I (and most people I read about) am doing this the hard way.  Every day we've been given a program to do, yet I/we don't do it.  We go off and do our own thing.  So from now until next weigh-in I'm going to follow the 12wbt exercise program to the letter - burpees and all if those blasted things are on there.  Mind you. I made this decision after my 10km walk this morning, so forgive me Mich, I'll start tomorrow :)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Cool change

This week a friend of mine posted something on Facebook about change, and more specifically about change being easy.  This got me thinking...Is change actually easy?

And I'm leaning towards YES.

It's no secret that I'm doing Michelle Bridges 12wbt, and with that comes A LOT of lifestyle changes; exercise, nutrition, mindset.  Maybe I'm missing something, but for me, losing this 20kg hasn't really been that hard. I'm not saying that there hasn't been times when I would have given my left tit for a vanilla slice or a family sized block of snack.  But there hasn't even been one occasion since Nov 3 when I've given in.


Has it been that I REALLY wanted to change?  I wasn't unhappy before.  Just fat, and lazy and unmotivated.  But neither was I happy.  I was just "there".  Now I feel alive and vital and want to taste everything there is to taste - metaphorically speaking of course, unless it falls within my daily calorie limit :)

So I'm still asking why?

Why have I been able to do something that so many people struggle with - and will continue to struggle with for the rest of their lives?  What is different about me that has made me do this and stick to it?

I don't have the answers.  But I do know that I have chosen to make these changes to my life.  And I don't regret any part of it one little bit.

I'm not sure if this post is deep or confusing...or maybe a little of both :)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Week 5 weigh in (my week 19)

Current Weight: 77.3kg
Last week:      78.0kg
Week's loss:          -0.7kg 
So far:         -19.7kg   

So so close to that magic 20kg gone mark.  I WILL knock it over this next week for sure.

My BMI is sitting at 26.1 and my new goal for this round is to get it under 25.0, which will happen at the 75kg mark. Too exciting that it's only 2.3kg away.  If I have 3 more weeks like this one, I'll be 100g away from healthy.  I can't demand anything more from my body than that (but knowing me I'll probably try!).

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Speak easy

Warning: This post is completely self-indulgent - but hey it's my blog!

I loathe, detest, abhor public speaking.  I avoided any job or situation that called for it, and hid myself away at events for fear of having to say something.

A little over two years ago I landed the dream job.  No, really, when I tell people what I do, they reply with something like "cool", or "you're so lucky", or "man, I'd love to do that".


I have to do the thing I most hate to do - speak to a crowd.

So here's me on Sunday.  Room full of people who either don't know me or haven't since me since I was fat. Stepping up to the lectern wearing a size 12 suit for the first time in my adult life I felt calm, confident and controlled. Strong too!

I doubt anyone thought any less of me when I was fat, but I did.  I was uncomfortable and felt a fraud. I'll still be nervous whenever I have to speak, but not having to worry about the buttons on my size 18 shirt gaping, or covering the muffin top from a skirt that will barely do up lets me focus on the message I'm trying to deliver rather than my insecurities.

It's going to be a good year :)

Friday, March 9, 2012

Finding some fitness

We're coming up to the end of 12wbt's week 4, and being the maths whiz that I am, I've worked out that's 1/3 of the way through - ALREADY!

So how's it going I hear you ask?  It's BIG this changing your life stuff.  Some days you feel like a fleet of fully loaded cement trucks wouldn't be able to knock you down.  And other days bring about the lowest of lows - total depletion of energy, emotion, and just getting out of bed is worthy of a ticker-tape parade.

This past week has been the biggest battle.  I completely lost my bounce, mojo, spirit, call it what you will.  I wasn't great company. I snapped a few times. And exercising was verging on pure torture.  I let work get on top of me and felt as though I was drowning on more than one occasion.  But you know what?  I survived it binge free. There were things within my reach that I could have eaten, but didn't. I've stuck to my nutrition plan and eaten around 1200 calories each day.  I also think my 300g loss this week would have been much greater if I wasn't carrying the self-imposed weight of the world on my shoulders.

Anyway - this wasn't where this post was intended to go...

FITNESS - yeah!

Every 4 weeks on the program we measure up and complete a fitness test.  And my results are pretty darn impressive imo.

Time to set some goals for the week 8 fitness test.

I'm happy with the 10 toe push ups, but I'm aiming for 30 knees as well.
If I can add even 1cm to the sit and reach I'll be happy coz my back is still recovering.
Time trial, I'll accept anything with a 5 as the first digit.  And to run the whole way again.
And that blasted wall sit.  I want to add another 30 seconds this time around.

Don't think I'm going to scare anyone out of their Olympic selection just yet, but the fitness side is such an unexpected bonus that definitely helps keep the motivation to change exactly where it needs to be.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Week 4 weigh in (my week 18)

Current Weight: 78.0kg
Last week:      78.3kg
Week's loss:          -0.3kg 
So far:         -19.0kg   

In a week where work (and a pretty rotten attitude) got totally in the way of any serious exercise, I'm fairly happy with a 300g loss.  My professional year is evenly divided into a normal if not relaxed 6 months, and a chaotic, fly by the seat of your pants, on-call 24-7, 80 hours a week type 6 months.  And here comes the chaos ,starting right about now.

I was pushing really hard to be at the 20kg lost mark by this Friday, and with 3 days to go I could still make it.  Doubtful but not completely impossible.  You know, really, it doesn't matter.  These changes are for a lifetime, not just 12 weeks.  And even if I can't find time to add much exercise into my week, I can still control my nutrition.  It's 80% food, 20% sweat, right???

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Riding the wave

This 12wbt thing is such an emotional journey.  It takes a whole heap of willpower to keep afloat and when someone or something splashes in your direction, it feels as though the water is too deep.  There's a choice - because there always is.  You can jump on the life raft.  Take the easy way out and return to shore.  To your old way of being. Or you can try to keep your head above the water in anticipation of the calmer seas ahead.

Although it's week 4 of the program, it's the 17th week since I made the decision to change my life.

Some of the changes are to plan, and some of them were not expected and at times not even welcome. 

And if I keep on swimming, where do I end up?  And who will I have left behind?

Friday, March 2, 2012

Good girl Raelene xxx

Every week I look forward to the next round of Whirlsie's blogger challenge, and this week she's given us a great topic to focus on;

How will you acknowledge and reward yourself during round 1, 2012 12WBT?  What are the small wins?  What are your big accomplishments?  How will you achieve these and how will you reward your effort? (food doesn't count!)

I'm a self-rewarder from waaaaaaaay back.  I detest grocery shopping.  Loathe it.  So as a "reward" to myself I would pick up a treat - an ice-break iced coffee and a bag of choc coated raspberry licorice.  I'll press the pause button here for a tick while I check out the calories in this nutritional masterpiece...  OMG - Iced coffee = 169 cals & bullets = 322 cals.  491 cals that I would scoff down in the 5 minute car trip home.  But get this - I didn't shop weekly, it was EVERY COUPLE OF DAYS.  Yes, why DID I put on weight??

But I digress.

When I started this blog I set out some specific weight-based mini-goals and attached a reward to each.  They are on my sidebar, but I'll add them here too;

As I said, I made these before I had officially started 12wbt, and reviewing them now shows me just how far I've come.  This program is SO much more than a means to an end weight goal.  The weight-loss is more a by-product of getting your head sorted, becoming more organised, taking control of your life, shopping for and preparing nutritional meals, getting your ass off the couch and doing instead of thinking about doing.

To me, it's no longer about rewards and that facial or pedicure that I'm within 300g of doesn't serve as motivation in the slightest.  I've learnt to motivate from within, and just being able to do things without dragging that extra 20 kilos along for the ride is reward enough.  Little things like Loz (the man) telling me I look hot - and me believing him - is worth more than anything money could buy.  PB's on my lake walk.  Running up stairs at the end of a workout coz I feel so damn good. Seeing my face without the triple chin.  People smiling back at me when I don't even realise I'm smiling.  These are the rewards, and they seem to come every single day.  I am a different person.  I feel worthy.  That's enough of a reward!

(written from a non-judgemental place where self-rewarding is a-okay in my book, just not where I am right now, but may well return to by the end of these 12 weeks, or even the end of the day xx)